i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
