rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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