he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
