i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
