How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Let's paint friendship bongs
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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