If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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