I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
