you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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