so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
