I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
