Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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