Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
