He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
