every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
