my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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