If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
