I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Dicks are not precious.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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