so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
