Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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