you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
