You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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