I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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