It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
