this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
