the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
