long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
