Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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