I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize