Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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