A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
