i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The adults are the big ones right?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
