The maid of honor just puked.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
