I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
