Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
