Umm I'm too high to move.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
