She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
