Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i barfeds in our rink
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
