i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
