Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
