I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
