Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
