With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
