he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
