hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
try to milk me bitch
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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