Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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