in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
