I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
