First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my being single is dangerous.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
