; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
