jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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