She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize