I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I am midnight drunk by noon
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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