I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize