Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i think my cat just said my name.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
