i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
