I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
