so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
