I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
