I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Shame is for Republicans.
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