He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We need to get me chipped asap
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
