Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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