Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
