Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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