i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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