Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
pray to the hookup gods
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
