i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
