literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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