i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
