Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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